Department Stories

Our eyes meet across the room. I recognise his expression – a mixture of despair and apprehension. His mouth opens to form a silent word. “Help.” I smile weakly in reply, knowing his pain but powerless to assist. Then he’s gone. Disappeared behind a rail of pink fluffy dressing gowns. My wife and I are


The mid-term break will mean different things to different children. Some boys and girls are being brought on a little holiday by their parents. Others are up the town causing mayhem and getting ASBOs because their parents have forgotten all about the mid-term break. Years ago, in my country childhood, the mid-term break meant one

Greece is the word

My first travel article. I really plunged in at the deep end – exploring the remote and hard-to-reach holiday resorts of Crete. I’d never been on a package holiday. In fact, I used to be a bit of a package holiday snob. Lie in the sun while someone else organises your fun for you? Nothing

A Novel Idea

That’s more of it now. Russia beating us on Saturday, Robbie Keane’s penalty Tuesday night, and now the Booker prize snatched from us. All this week is missing is some hoor from Moody’s, Standard and Poors or Fitch chipping in to downgrade our credit rating. I’m sick of hearing what Fitch have to say anyway.

Just Kidding

“Just dae your normal stuff but leave oot the bad language an ye’ll be fine.” These were my instructions as I prepared to face my toughest challenge so far as a comedian: Performing stand-up for 20 minutes in front of sixty Glaswegian children and their parents. My normal stuff includes rather child-unfriendly topics such as

TV Now

The man at the door is heavy set, greying and in his forties. He has the look of a man whose job it is to collect property from houses. “Just came around for the box”  he says. And there it was, the final nail in the cable coffin. As part of ‘Operation If It Ain’t